Remorse
by aslycsi1315
Summary: He doesn't know how long it's been since he and the detective had been kidnapped, how much more pain he can take or if his wife is even alive. All Sam knows is that the bloody, unconscious detective in front of him needs him to not only get them home safe, but to also fix the mistakes made between them from the past.
1. Chapter 1

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."-George Eliot

"It is never too late to give up our prejudices."-Henry David Thoreau

"Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them."- Bruce Lee

**May 13, 2013**

This was one of the times that Sam Hanna wished he had a time machine.

As childish as it sounds, Sam wishes in this moment that he had a time machine. He would go back to the previous day when the team was being briefed about the nuclear explosion in Mexico. He would push for a Plan B that didn't involve his wife Michelle or making deals with Marcel Janvier. He'd also go back and change every word that he had ever said to Deeks.

Because now he can't as he's sitting tied to a chair, fighting the urge to pass out from the God-knows- how-many volts of electricity that have been shot through his body. It's been awhile since Sidarov had decided to torture 'the weak one' and far too long since Sam has last heard Deeks scream. The detective's ear splitting screams were just as bad to Sam as being stabbed, especially with the piss poor attitude he'd been having with the detective since he met him.

"_I'm Navy straight up. Everything you do is different- the way you dress, your jokes….your hair."_

"_If this is about my haircut, it needs to end."_

"_It's not about your hair- it's about what it says about you as a person." _

"_So you're saying it's about my character?"_

"_Yeah, something like that."_

He considers it to be one of the harshest things he's ever said to a person, which considering being a federal agent harassing all kinds of suspects, the bar is set pretty high. To say that to someone who's had your back for years is right up there with lying _I'll make your family's life a living hell if you don't tell me what I want to know._

Sam lets out a low wheeze and struggles to catch his breath. His vision is teetering between being clear and fuzzy again and yet he can still see exactly where the detective is. When his vision is blurry, he can only see a blur of Deeks' blonde locks, his green jacket, and his blue jeans. In the few seconds where he can actually see clearly, Deeks is clear as day, sitting perfectly still in the chair in the other room. Sam can see that Deeks is unconscious and bleeding heavily from his mouth- it's one of the many things from this moment that that won't ever leave his mind, along with;

Deeks' head cocked to left ever so slightly.

The steady drops of blood falling from his mouth and nose onto his jeans.

The slow _tick, tick_ from a clock on the wall behind Sam.

The irregular rise and fall of Deeks' chest, each one proving to Sam that he hasn't died.

And the pure silence laughing at the tiny hope in Sam's heart that they'd be rescued.

"So you are conscious again."

Sam winces when he hears Sidarov's deep Eastern European drawl suddenly come from across the room. He makes the conclusion that it's an accent he never wants to hear again. It doesn't help that Sidarov is maliciously smiling as he enters the room with the man in the black jacket, whose name Sam can't remember. It definitely doesn't help Sam's nerves when he sees Sidarov's man wipe an alarmingly amount of blood off his hands and curse in Russian, "Weak bastard."

To the left, Sidarov tilts his head slightly to the right and smirks at Sam. The SEAL stares wide eyed back like a scared child, completely unaware if Sidarov's smile is a _your friend is dead_ smirk, _your friend gave Quinn up _smirk, or a _I'm trying to screw with you _smirk.

"I miscalculated your friend," Sidarov drawls, "He is not as weak as I thought. "

"Not….my friend," Sam wheezes, hoping to hell that it'll buy them some time. He considers even going into a long spiel about how he's been a complete ass to Deeks, but he decides against it. Sidarov already knows that Sam has enough worth to Deeks to basically run into Sidarov's grasp.

"Oh really? He gave up his weapon, jumped in a pool, and resuscitated you- I'd call that a friend. But since he is not a friend then this shouldn't be a problem." Sidarov gives a nod to his partner, who walks into the other room. The man in the black jacket appears next to Deeks and pulls out a pocket knife, holding inches away from Deeks' eyes. Sam feels his already erratic heartbeat go insane when the man in the black jacket smirks at Sam.

"Bring him in here," Sidarov calls over his shoulder, "he claims no relation to David so killing him in front of him shouldn't be a problem."

_What?!_ Sam keeps his facial expression, but feels like his chest is about to explode when he watches Sidarov's man cut the ties around Deeks' wrists and push him forward to the ground. Deeks' arms are forced and tied behind his back. Sidarov's man then does what Sam expects him to- he drags the unconscious detective into the room and hands his collar to Sidarov. There's another nod of acknowledgement between the two men before Sidarov pulls out Deeks' Sig and presses it against Deeks' temple.

"If he is no use to anyone, he should die," Sidarov states. Sam hears the click of the safety coming off and he immediately knows that denial time is over and lying to cover your ass time has official begun. "Wait!"

Both men give him expecting looks and Sam sighs before continuing, "Friend….."Sam gaps. He leans forward and adds, "He's a dirty cop!"

Sidarov narrows his eyes and looks down to the moaning, squirming detective. He ponders for a moment before releasing his grip on Deeks' mouth and letting the detective fall to the ground in a heap. Deeks lands on his back and then rolls onto his side as he moans in pain. Sidarov takes his foot and knocks Deeks back onto his back and places his foot on his chest. With his gun still trained on Deeks, Sidarov suspiciously asks, "Are you lying to me, David?"

"I didn't get a chance…to tell you," Sam replies. He's surprised that he's able to get a somewhat decent sentence out with his lungs and chest burning as if they were on fire.

"Dirty cop?" Both Sidarov and his right hand man exchange confused looks before returning their attention back to Sam. "What do you mean?"

"He's a dirty cop that an old friend sent to back me up," Sam exhales loudly and sends a quick glare to Sidarov, "Did you want me to tell you in the middle of making this deal?"

Sidarov pauses again and looks down to Deeks, who's still in a heap on the floor. "Huh, a dirty cop. Unfortunately for you, a reliable source told me that you are an undercover agent so I have to assume that it is the same for him. You lied to me again, David."

"No….don't…."

"I should kill you both right now, but I'm feeling generous. Obviously, he means something to you so I have a proposition." Sidarov picks up Deeks by the collar again and drags him a few inches closer to where Sam gets a better view of the detective. Sam can see bruises and cuts on Deeks' face and hear that Deeks' breathing is much, much worse than he had expected. "Your cooperation in telling me the truth about Quinn in exchange for his life."

Sidarov suddenly releases Deeks' collar and lets the man fall to the floor in a heap again. He turns away and tells Sam before leaving, "I'll leave you in here with time to think."

And in a minute Sidarov and his man walk out of the room, leaving Sam tied to the chair and Deeks bloody and unconscious on the floor.

In the dark, alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Michelle or Deeks.

Sam has to choose one to get out alive.

He knows, way deep down in his gut that he would choose Michelle's life on any day. Wife trumps anyone on the planet on every day of the year. It's such a certain thing that he would choose Michelle that Sam suddenly pictures Deeks being killed and him being rescued.

_I'm so sorry, Kens. He was threatening Michelle- I had to choose a life. I'm so sorry. _

The scenario that runs through his mind is so…..words can't describe how bad it would be. The guilt alone of Deeks dying would kill him; add that to the loneliness, the anger that he knows would come from Kensi and Callen, and the blowback between Michelle and him from her going back into the game- basically, the scenario isn't an option. A minute of him sitting quietly in the dark room passes before he remembers that Sidarov is a mean SOB that doesn't negotiate.

Whatever he chooses, he's a dead man either way.

"Deeks," Sam wheezes out. His voice barely travels across the room before it's overtaken by the slow sound of a shoe sliding across the concrete floor. Unless someone else is in the room, Sam's positive that the noise has to be coming from Deeks.

"Marty, it's ok. You don't have to talk since…." Sam trails off, knowing that he'd pissed too if someone had reminded him of the trauma he had just endured no less than five minutes ago. "If you can hear me, moan or something."

There's no verbal response back, but Sam watches as the darker black blob a few inches away shifts upward in what Sam assumes to be Deeks pulling himself onto his knees. Sam laughs a loud in relief and starts to cheer, "That's great, man. You're doing great. Now if you could come over here and somehow get to my cuffs."

Silence.

"Deeks?" Sam wrinkles his nose when he notices that black blob hasn't moved one bit. He tries his hardest to push past the inkling in his gut that tells him that the pure silence that he's heard for the last two minutes can't happen if Deeks is moving. Deeks isn't the quietest person that Sam's ever met, proven by the many failed attempts at trying to sneak up on the Navy SEAL. And even in the three years of being of 'hybrid agent', a half cop- half fed as Deeks excitedly called himself, Deeks couldn't be moving that quietly in the dark, which meant one thing.

He hadn't moved at all and the last two minutes was only Sam's imagination, fueled by desperation and the useless thing right now called hope.

* * *

It's been five minutes, at least, in Sam's opinion and he still hasn't a clue how to get out of the chair, let alone the room. He's starting to feel the pain from the electricity and he's not sure how much longer he can stay conscious. In Sam's mind; if he falls asleep, he's scared that Deeks could be killed by Sidarov while being out. And if that happens, there's also no reassurance that Sidarov wouldn't kill him in his sleep.

"_That seat's taken, temp."_

Sam jolts in his chair at the sound of his own voice. He knows that he's drifting off to sleep, more specifically, memories of his interaction with Deeks. That day wasn't the best day for him, as it had been a few weeks after Dom's death. Nevertheless, it wasn't the best thing to say to the detective on his first official day as a liaison.

"_No- not Deeks! I need Callen on this!"_

That was way out of line for the SEAL. At the time, he hadn't been thinking or caring about his teammate's feelings on the matter- he had just wanted Callen, his partner, not the blonde detective who he barely worked with. Sam knows that there's no justification for saying it because not once had Deeks ever failed him on a case. Not even when Deeks made a could-be-fatal-if-real mistake on the stairs of the Kill House did the detective truly disappoint him- as soon as Sam had approached him about it, Deeks had responded by asking how to be better next time.

And still, there was a lack of trust between the two.

"Damn it…..damn it….DAMN IT!" Sam screams suddenly. He starts rocking in his chair, shaking his entire body against the restraints. Although it's only been about five minutes, he officially believes that they're officially screwed. All he has left is to pull against the restraints and hope that they'll break against his weight, pray that Deeks wakes up, and hope to hell that Sidarov doesn't come back anytime soon.

"Mmmnnm…"

Sam freezes and calls out cautiously, "Deeks?"

"Nnmmmmm…."

"Deeks! Hey , look this way!" Sam whispers loudly. He can hear the sound of Deeks' legs sliding a few inches forward and the labored breathing coming from the detective. Sam is so ecstatic, he's never been so excited to hear anything come from Deeks.

"Damn, you had me scared there for a minute. We need to-" Sam is cut by three events happening over the course of ten seconds- the room door flies open , the lights flicker on, damn near blinding Sam, and Sidarov's man appears in the doorway. Sam looks over to see Deeks, still bloody and bruised with his eyes open towards the ceiling in the same spot where he had been thrown.

Sam knows that he's in no condition to help, which does them no good.

Especially when Sidarov's man walks into the room with a gun, a knife, and a drill.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: If you read this story before July 29, there were two lines that said that the strap on the chair was loose. That was a mistake from the original draft that somehow made it into the end of the new draft. **

**In other words, Sam is still stuck in the chair.**

* * *

"LAPD Detective Martin Deeks."

There's a moment of absolute panic running through Sam's head when he hears Sidarov's man state Deeks' full title. There's no possible way for Sidarov to have figured out who exactly Deeks is in five minutes. And to make matters worse, Sam concludes that if that can happen in five minutes, ten or twenty minutes more could lead to them connecting the detective to NCIS.

And if that happens, they're both good as dead.

Sidarov's man cocks his head and smirks. "You look surprised, David."

Sam quickly thinks of comeback while glancing over to see Deeks lying still on his back. Sam turns his attention back to Sidarov's man and retorts, "I'm surprised at how proud of yourself you must be."

The smile disappears off of the man's face and turns into an annoyed glare. "This means that you weren't lying; just waiting until the very end to tell me this. Why?"

"He's just a backup-"

Sidarov's man drops the knife and the drill on the table and shrugs. "Just a backup? Then I'll just kill him, if he's just _backup. _That's interesting since he saved your life." He clicks off the safety on the pistol and that's all Sam needs to see to know that he needs to shut this down.

"I wouldn't do that. Yes, he's just a backup," Sam lies, "but it'd be pretty bad if you had a dead cop on your hands, especially one that could help us. That's why I asked him- worse comes to worse and the LAPD comes around, he could get them off our tail."

Sidarov's man raises an eyebrow and grabs the knife before walking over to Deeks. He turns the handle of the knife in a circle and then looks down to the detective. Deeks is lying on his back, his head hovering barely an inch from the ground. By now his cheeks are swollen and red and the pressure from his sore, swollen bloody gums are causing him to squeak through the back of his throat. With Sidarov's man now standing over him, there's no way that he can beg, plead, or hell, charm his way out of taking more abuse from a knife.

"Why do you wait until last minute to tell me things? It takes the fun," the man sits the knife between two fingers, "out of all of it."

"I don't trust or particularly like you," Sam snarls back, "Don't kill him, he's useful. Saving me was just him doing his job. And if you're worried about his loyalty, no one in LAPD gives a damn about him. That's why I got him." Sam swallows hard at using Deeks' trouble with LAPD as the cover-up.

Sidarov's man pauses before lowering the knife to his side. Deeks drops his head to the ground and lets out a huff of relief. He doesn't get to enjoy the relief before Sidarov's man delivers a powerful kick to his gut. Deeks grunts and curls up in the best ball that he can through the searing pain.

"Hey, what the hell is that for?" Sam yells. Sidarov's man shakes his head before walking out of the room without a word. He also walks out of the room without taking the gun and drill sitting on the table that held the battery used to torture Sam earlier. It's such a miracle that Sam worries that it's another hallucination. When a few minutes pass and Sam feels a rush of pain so painful that he begins to lose consciousness, he concludes that it has to be real.

Or not, who knows.

* * *

For fifteen minutes, Sam is dreaming, remembering really, his first conversation with Deeks after the detective had been shot.

_Deeks is staring at the hospital room ceiling, hearing only the dull noise of Sam talking from the foot of the bed. It's been a questionable amount of minutes since Sam had decided to walk into the hospital room and start quizzing Deeks on basic security rules. It's especially questionable since Sam had originally said that it would be done after Deeks had gotten out of the hospital, not the day after he had shot one of the men after Kensi and tore out his stitches._

" _And you should have a backup location for your mutt….are you listening?" Sam snaps. Across from him, Deeks drops his gaze to Sam and narrows his eyes. Yes, he's been on the team for only six months and yes, he had screwed up, but right now he wants to sleep and not feel like he's back in high school with an angry teacher hell bent on making him feel stupid._

"_Sam, I just want to sleep," Deeks mutters. _

"_Deeks, you got shot because you got lazy with your routine," Sam taps the pack of diagrams, lists, and whatever else the SEAL had cooked up in the last 24 hours that's on the bedside table. "We're doing this right now."_

"_But-"_

"_Focus, Deeks. What did I say earlier about my four day plan?"_

_Deeks closes his eyes and exhales very slowly. He's pissed that the idea of having the recently injured detective rest is absurd to Sam. So in a very mature fashion, Deeks opens his eyes and slides his hand to the right where he presses the nurse call button. _

"_Sam," he says slowly, "You have about fifteen seconds before the very abrasive Nurse Roberts walks into the room and asks what's wrong. And in that fifteen seconds, you can decide whether I tell her that my teammate is badgering me with 20 questions and doesn't give a damn about my well- being or that my friend needs a pillow and blanket because he's going to spend the night in the room with me. Pick one."_

_Sam stares at Deeks open mouthed and then looks down to the papers on the table below him. At the same moment, a grumpy Nurse Roberts marches into the room and growls, "Mr. Deeks, what do you want?"_

_Deeks looks over to Sam and gives him an expecting look. Sam nods and turns to Nurse Roberts , saying, "I was wondering if I could have a blanket and pillow. I just want to see if he's ok for tonight. I won't be a bother."_

_Deeks smiles triumphantly and Sam smirks at the cop's trick, impressed as hell._

* * *

When Sam wakes up, the only thing he can hear is the labored, heavy breathing coming from Deeks.

He opens his eyes and looks over to see Deeks still lying on the back and looking up to the ceiling. He's still in the same haggard condition- swollen cheeks and bloody cuts, along with a new addition- a single tear that had run down his cheek while Sam had dozed off.

"Deeks?" Sam whispers. He has no idea if Sidarov has the room miced up or not. Until they've been rescued, Sam has to play it as if it was. Deeks doesn't answer and Sam at first assumes it's because of the abuse of the drill.

"Hey, it's ok. We'll be ok. Look at me."

No answer.

Sam sits as forward as he can in the chair to get a better look at Deeks. He doesn't know if it's the electrical torture he's endured or because he's in the middle of his massive guilt trip, but once more, it takes a minute for Sam to realize why Deeks hasn't looked at him.

It's because Deeks _won't_ look at him.

It's the anger and the buildup of taking three years of pokes and insults from that's finally come to a head for the detective. Sam can see the detective doesn't want to look over to someone that hasn't trusted him even in the darkest, most dangerous missions that the team has taken. The single tear on Deeks' cheeks says it all to Sam, who can only imagine what Deeks is thinking at the moment,

_I've just taken the worst torture of my life for you , Sam. Will this be good enough for you to trust me?_


	4. Chapter 4

_Is that good enough for you to trust me?_

"Of course I trust you," Sam replies in a whisper, even though there was never any question to reply to in the first place. His reply doesn't get even a blink from Deeks. Sam grimaces as he wants to go into a long speech explaining the trust issues that he has and the rules and ideals from the Navy that's been drilled in his head, but he can't. Sam's already said too much to Deeks without thinking about the possibility of the room being miced. It's something that he immediately blames on the trauma from the electrocution.

_I'm a damn SEAL who's been too stupid to see greatness in front of me. And if one of us dies before rescue, he won't ever get to know. _Sam drops his head in disgust at himself to remember all the moments that Deeks had done something, whether going above and beyond a case or saying something silly just to make his teammates smile. Sam even concludes- _He acts like an idiot not because he is one, it's because he needs to protect himself. I should have known this instead of poking fun at him. _

_**Click. **_

Sam suddenly hears the sound of a hatch on the door unlocking and the door room door slowly opening. He knows that it has to be either Sidarov or his right hand man and with things going nowhere, he doesn't bother lift his head to look up. However, when he recognizes the smell of the coco butter that his wife uses daily, he looks up to see Michelle Hanna standing at the doorway. The bloody cut on her cheek, the brown dust on her yellow jacket, and the way past homicidal look on her face really gets Sam's attention.

_You aren't a concerned husband, you're David. _"What the hell happened to you?" Sam asks with a fake scoff.

Michelle, fully emerged in her role as Quinn, snaps, "I was about to ask you the same thing. Sidarov thinks you're an agent. Is that truth?"

"Well-" He doesn't get to finish before there's a hard slap across his face.

"I just had to deal with two of his goddamn Russian Barbie dolls on a top of a tower so I am in no mood to be messed with!" Michelle growls. She places two hands on the chair arms and stares deep into Sam's eyes. Oddly, her eyes are filled with worry and anger when she looks at him. It's thirty seconds where she isn't Quinn, there are no nukes, and everything isn't going to hell. It's a thirty seconds that ends when Michelle gets back into character and calls out, "Isaak, I know you're listening. Why don't you come on in and join us. Bring your puppy too."

Michelle looks away and soon Sidarov and his man walk into the room quietly, Sidarov sporting an amused smile. Michelle straightens up and growls, "Tell me what happened from the time I left to now," she suddenly turns around and points down to Deeks, " and who the hell is this?"

"David brought a friend that didn't show up or be mentioned until I tried to drown David in the pool," Sidarov says.

Michelle curses under her breath and takes a few steps towards the other side of the room, stepping over Deeks' crumpled form in the process. "You tried to kill David? All because some low life told you that he's an agent?"

"Janvier is a trusted man-"

"Oh really? Well then, if he's so trustable, he can sell you those weapons on your own. I'll just take David and help some other person make 14 million dollars."

"Quinn!" Sidarov roars and Michelle widens her eyes in mock surprise. There's a little part of her that isn't faking it as she was sure a calm voice was all that Sidarov had in him. Sidarov catches his breath and asks softer, "Are you an agent?"

Michelle chuckles before she explodes, "You think I'm an agent too? So let me get this straight and let's start from the top- David and I prove to you that we can help make things happen. I offer to broker a deal of selling nuclear arms for 14 million dollars and then somewhere along the line that fool Janvier tells you that David's an agent without any proof. You believe this and try to drown David, torture him, and try to kill me too with your twin Barbie dolls with all of this resting on a one hand man who's a bottom of the barrel?"

Sam glances over to Sidarov just in time to see for the first time a love struck look in his eyes. "Yes."

Michelle shakes her head and starts walking for the door. "And to think that I was going to take you up on your offer…..14 million dollars, you, me, and the Bahamas. That's not-"

Sidarov grabs Michelle's arms and stops her in her tracks. He slowly pulls her close to him and whispers, "I am sorry…I don't know what got the best of me. Janvier is a good man and he hasn't done me wrong before."

"Until now," Michelle adds, the end of her words coming off seductively. She cocks her head slightly to the left and Sam spots his wife's trademark _I've got you right where I want you _look. It's the look that has trapped him into many unwanted activities such as playing princess with his girls and having to deal with Michelle sending photos of it to family and friends, including the team. Her manipulativeness is what makes her a great agent, mother, and wife.

"So we good?" Sam calls out to break the deep stare down between Michelle and Sidarov. Michelle takes a few steps back and smirks at Sidarov, "Are we?"

"For now."

Michelle scoffs once more and turns her attention to Deeks. The detective is still crumpled and on the floor and has not once broken his stare at the ceiling. She hadn't forgotten about Deeks at any point during the past five minutes. "Who the hell is this?"

"He's my backup," Sam states, "He's a crooked cop that I enlisted to back me up if things ever went to hell or if we needed LAPD off of our back. Seems it worked out for the best, huh?"

"A cop- really?" Michelle says. She circles around Deeks' form and then stops suddenly. "Help us, huh….. what kind of cop?"

_Too many questions, Michelle. _"Marty Deeks- he's just your basic cop. He's on our side- any more questions?"

"Yeah- I want to talk to him alone," Michelle says without directly talking to Sam. She's focused on Sidarov and if he'll allow the woman he accused of betrayal alone with Sam and Deeks.

Sidarov shakes his head in disagreement. "Why?"

"I thought you said that you trusted me. "

"I do."

"Good- then I want to speak with the cop in setting up a way of getting back at Janvier. He tried to screw you out of 14 million dollars, Isaak. I want to know if the cop can find Janvier, deal with him with whatever method you please, and then get twice or even three times the amount of money for those nukes. And then we can go wherever we want and have no one bother us."

Sam swears that he can see all the rational parts of Sidarov leave the room. The man nods slowly and then says something in a language that Sam should recognize, but can't because he's so out of it. Sidarov's man scowls before walking over to the center of the room and lifting Deeks off the floor. He turns his head and snaps, "Where should I put the trash?"

Michelle smirks and replies, "I saw a small office on the way in here. And put him on a chair this time, not the floor. I know that might be hard concept for you."

"Bitch," Sidarov's man curses under his breath before carrying Deeks out of the room. When it's just Sidarov, Michelle, and Sam, Sidarov turns to Michelle and asks, "What about David?"

"Leave him," Michelle shrugs, "I don't need him right now. Maybe he can sit and think about the next words that come out of his mouth. In the meantime, I have a proposition for you, Isaak. Let's walk and talk."

Sam watches his wife and Sidarov walk out the room, completely unsure whether Michelle's last words are a part of their cover or if in the middle of all the chaos, she's reminding him of the morning conversation with Deeks.


	5. Chapter 5

"_Sam, your six."_

_Sam hits the ground at the sound of the detective's voice. He's in a warehouse across from Deeks in the middle of a firefight like no other. Sam doesn't realize that he has no memory of a fight like this happening, meaning that he's trapped in another dream. _

_Deeks cowers behind a stack of crates right before the top of the stack is pummeled by a hail of gunfire. Sam watches Deeks pull his Sig close to his body, push out a clip, and forcefully jam what appears to be his last clip into his gun. He leans around the left of the stack, not noticing the shooter dressed in all black creeping from across the room. Sam tries to yell for Deeks to look over his shoulder, but nothing comes out._

_Deeks stands up and begins to walk forward to Sam, completely unaware of Sam's constant attempts to warn him of the shooter. It isn't until a bullet finally pierces through the bottom of Deeks' stomach does the detective looks Sam in the eye and cry out, "You didn't try to help me. Why won't you help me?"_

* * *

Sam jolts awake and yells out, "Deeks!"

He glances left and right and then realizes that he's still in the damn chair, Deeks was just carried off by Sidarov's man, and his wife is out negotiating with a terrorist. Sam lets out a growl in frustration before he hears two knocks and the hard, heavy door on the side of the room open. Zurof, Sidarov's other right hand man, walks into the room with a smug expression on his face.

Sam shakes his head and snaps without looking at Zurof, "Where the hell have you been?"

"Busy- how was the dive in the pool? Were there any fishes?" Zurof jokes. His snide comments earns a dark glare from Sam, which he ignores. Instead, he walks up to Sam and begins to un-do the strap for both of his arms. When he finishes, Zurof states, "Get up."

"For what?" Sam asks. He looks down and swallows hard at a sickening realization- the small area around his wrists are numb and covered in black electrical burns. He moves his hand over to his other to touch the area around his wrists. It's sickening and emotionally painful that he has to beg himself to together.

"I said let's go," Zurof calls out, now standing at the door. Sam shoots the man one more glare and then focuses on the best way to push himself out of the chair. He scoots forward with the intention of just standing up normally, but instead of finding some kind of steadiness on his feet, he collapses in a complete heap. Sam lets out a painful gasp and makes a mental note to kick Zurof's ass, who he can see in the corner of his eye watching him with a smirk.

"Today would be nice, David," Zurof says. Sam grimaces before pushing himself onto all fours and then pulling himself using the chair. As a beyond physically fit Navy SEAL, feeling weak isn't a natural feeling to Sam that makes him want to get him and Deeks out of there more than ever.

_Stop worrying about weaknesses and what one should feel in a time like this. It worked out wonderfully the last time. _Now on his feet, Sam faces the doorway and Zurof, who's now leaning against the doorframe. He raises an eyebrow and mutters, "Were you expecting applause?" before walking out the room and into the hallway.

_No, I wasn't expecting anything from the man who watched me drown earlier today. _Sam puts one foot forward and takes a very painful step. He can feel that the soles of his feet are numb, but the outer areas, especially around his toes are incredibly painful. His second step isn't any better and it gets just worse and worse the further he walks. The pain is all he can think about until he makes out of the soundproof room and into the room where Deeks had been tortured.

Even though he had only been a few feet away and could see the entire room, Sam feels twice as worse at the sight of the empty chair, the blood that's dripping from the arm chairs and the open, dangling arm straps. The worst sight is Deeks' green jacket, which is now hanging over the head of the chair. After Sam concludes that it had been dropped off after Deeks had been taken from the room, he takes a minute to reflect on his nightmare from five minutes ago.

_Sam, why aren't you helping me?_

_Don't worry, Deeks. I will get us out of here. _

"David…." Zurof calls out again and it comes out in a childlike whine. The SEAL straightens his body to make himself look tough even though he knows Zurof knows that he's weak. So to keep up his appearance, Sam replies shortly, "Your buddy electrocuted me- excuse me, if I'm not 100% up to speed."

"I thought you were big, bad David," Zurof laughs.

"I still am big, bad David that could break your neck at any moment. Why am I here?"

"I'd assumed that you know what Quinn's next move is since you two are good friends and not agents, correct?"

"You'd assume-"

"Are you two done?" both men suddenly hear from Michelle. She's standing at a corner doorway with two hands on her hips and her jacket dangling from her right hand. "David, come with me. Zurof, try not to accuse any one of betrayal while you're out here."

As expected, Sam hears, " Bitch," come from Zurof as he follows Michelle out of the room and into the adjourning room- an old, dusty office with only a metal table and computer chair where Deeks now sits. Deeks is sitting completely dazed with his hands dangling between his legs. There's a small drop of blood running from the bridge of his nose down to his chin that he doesn't bother wipe away.

"Ok…we're ok," Michelle whispers to herself after she closes the door behind her. Sam takes a step close to Deeks and then wearily lowers himself into a kneeling position next to the chair. He places his hand on Deeks' arm and feels all the air being sucked out of his lungs when he feels Deeks' cold and clammy skin.

"He's not going to make it much longer," Michelle says in a low voice. She crosses the room and looks down at her husband. " 17 hours is-"

Sam whips his head and feels a sharp pain in his neck. "What do you mean _17 hours_?"

"How long do you think you've been gone for?"

_17 hours- I can't believe it. _17 hours meant that every time he had closed his eyes, Sam hadn't been out for minutes, it had been hours. "You're telling me that I've been…that he's been bleeding out for almost an entire day?"

"Yes- Just do what I say," Michelle says in a much, clearer voice. She brushes Sam away and turns to face the door, just as the door swings open and Sidarov, his right hand man, and Zurof enter the room. Sam tries to stand up, but only lands on his butt next to Deeks' chair.

"What are you doing in here? You can't have the door closed," Zurof asks suspiciously.

Michelle jumps back into the role of Quinn. "I can do whatever the hell I want."

Zurof walks up to Michelle and whispers, "Just because you have Sidarov tied around your finger doesn't mean you can pull that same crap with me."

"I'll be sure to tell him that," Michelle replies with a smile. She raises her voice and asks, "So do you like my proposition, Isaak?"

"It's risky," Sidarov says as he walks over to the still unresponsive Deeks. "I don't know if I can trust your cop friend." Sidarov looks down at Deeks and scoffs. "He doesn't look like he even knows his name. We can't use him."

"Well, you should have thought about that before torturing me," Deeks suddenly mumbles. His voice is so weak and feeble that Sam can hear the pain in the detective's voice as he talks. A small bit of blood runs from the edge of Deeks' mouth and over the dried blood on his chin as he wearily lifts his head up to look Sidarov in the eye.

Sidarov chuckles, glances over to Zurof, and says, "Huh….did Quinn tell you what she wants?"

"For me to get LAPD off your back," Deeks sighs, "so you can kill Marcel Janvier."


	6. Chapter 6

_So you can kill Marcel Janvier._

There are only a few times during a mission that Sam has actually felt scared and confused as hell and this would be one of them. He has no idea of what's going through his wife's head or if finding time to kill off a washed out criminal was her idea to begin with. A question of how and when begin to form in Sam's head along with a list of who could have suggested such an idea with Callen at the top of the list.

"So I take it as a yes?" Sidarov asks. Deeks responds in a nod and turns his head away from the group. Sam doesn't have to look Deeks in the eye to know that the detective wants to curl up in a corner and die from the pain in his mouth, especially after somehow forming two sentences without breaking into in tears.

"So what do we do?" Sam asks with the hope of getting the attention off of Deeks. He gets laughter in response from Zurof, who then says, "You aren't doing anything, David. All the cop has to do is make a phone call and we take care of the rest."

"So we're supposed to just sit here until you get the money?" Sam exclaims. He can see Michelle narrow her eyes at him in warning for him to back down. He complies quickly by faking an annoyed sigh and adding, "Fine- as long as I get my cut of the money, I'm fine."

"Good." There's suspicion in Zurof's voice that Sam catches almost instantly. It's confirmed when Zurof walks over to stand against the corner wall with crossed arms. Sam instantly begins to assess every word he's said as fast as he can to see what could possibly make Zurof doubt their story. Less than a minute later, he's missed half of the conversation and remembers that Zurof never trusted him in the first place.

"….So we meet in the Yucca Valley in an open area where I can a clear shot of Janvier. He'll hand over the money and then I can take a shot," Michelle explains, "The cop will get LAPD to work something out with Yucca Valley Police and the Desert Springs Police to distract them. That should get us able to make a transfer, get our money, and get Janvier without any need to be rushed."

Sidarov's other right hand man, whose name Sam really wishes he knew, blurts out, "You have everything planned up to the minute, don't you?"

"That's what I was hired to do. Any more questions?" Michelle asks. When no one responds, she smiles at both men and adds, "Alright, someone's got a phone call to make."

Michelle hands a small cellphone over to Deeks, who barely gets a good grasp on it before quickly bringing it to his chest. It's not a move that draws any suspicious look from Sidarov and his men, seeing as the detective can barely keep his eyes open. Michelle also pulls out a piece of paper from her pocket and directs, "You can make up whatever excuse you like with your main goal of getting the attention off of them coming anywhere near the county lines for any reason."

Zurof shoots out another remark, "You have that set up too?"

"_Quiet_!" Sidarov growls "Go and set up the deal with Janvier to be in one hour."

_Good, the earlier the better. _Sam can see in the corner of his eye that Deeks is starting to waver in his spot. There's not much of anything left in the usually, bright-eyed detective; in Sam's opinion, he's not even sure that Deeks can make it through the next five minutes.

"Fine," Zurof growls and he's out of the room in seconds with Sidarov's other right hand man right behind him. Sam's hesitant to relax when it's just him, Sidarov, Deeks, and Michelle in the room. Yes, they outnumber Sidarov three to one, but having a barely conscious cop and a SEAL who's running on fumes evens it out, not counting the two _very eager to shoot someone_ men outside the room.

"Well, we don't have all day, _Marty_," Sidarov says with a cockiness thatmakes Sam furious. He's angry at himself because he isn't much better than Sidarov in terms of thinking that he's better than the detective. Sam can see that Deeks is still so out of it that he's not even blinking. It takes a cough from Sam to drag Deeks out of his half-conscious daze and back to task of calling LAPD.

Deeks dials way too slow for Sam's liking. With no discussion about whom he would call and the detective's state of mind, Sam's holding his breath when he can hear the faint sound of ringing from the phone. Deeks suddenly puts the phone on speaker and attempts to hold it outward where everyone can see. Sam lets out a staggered sigh of relief when he hears the deep boom of the voice of Sergeant Louis Pearson, an old boss of Deeks.

Deeks begins to speak and his words come out as a jumbled mess to where the only understandable words are, 'officer', 'bomb, 'north' and 'Yucca Valley'. He then holds out the phone in front of his body to no one in particular. Sam hesitantly takes the phone in hand after a few seconds when he concludes that hearing from him as well would be the best for the team back at OPS center's sanity.

Time runs out before Michelle rips the phone out of his hands and ends the call. "You took too damn long," she mutters under her breath. "LAPD should call the other two departments and we should be the home free. We better get the hell on the road if we want to do this without us pressing our luck."

"Fine, but they will stay here," Sidarov states.

Michelle bites the inside of her cheek when she hears that her original plan of getting Sam and Deeks somewhat out of harm's way is officially out the window. On the other hand, it's a small comfort for her that at least her husband and his temporary partner will be in a building and not lying dead in a ditch. The only thing she can do is to nod in agreement and start her way to the door. Sidarov shoots both men a careful eye before he turns to follow Michelle out the door. The last thing she sees before closing the door behind her and locking it is her husband staring back at her as if he'll never see her again.

* * *

When the lock on the door clicks and Sam can see that Michelle is gone, he mutters, "Clear."

Almost immediately, Sam hears a loud crashing noise and he whips his body around to see Deeks in a ball on the ground. The detective is moaning and rocking slowly in agony from the pain in his mouth. Sam quickly and quietly runs to Deeks' side to see the ex- detective is also shaking violently and has tears running down his face.

"It's ok," Sam whispers. Deeks puts his hands onto his head and continues to shake. Sam reaches out to touch Deeks' on the back, but the detective flinches and pulls away.

And then everything seems to stop.

Sam can only hear himself breathe very heavily against the silence. He's been running on fumes and adrenaline ever since he woke up in the soundproof room and now that they're trapped in a room with nothing to do, the searing pain throughout his body from the electricity is coming back at him hard.

_Focus on staying awake. Deeks needs you. _

Sam opens his eyes and sees that the room is spinning and that Deeks is now unconscious and sprawled across the floor. He can't find the energy to call out to the detective or even stand.

_Stay awake!_

Sam sits back on his knees and tries to catch his breath. He's about to collapse and there's nothing he can do about it. So Sam does the only thing that he can do, which is think _I'm so sorry, Deeks. I wish you could hear me- I'm so sorry_ before he passes out.


	7. Chapter 7

For the God knows how many time since being kidnapped, Sam's dreaming.

_He's on a sandy beach, facing the setting sun on a beautiful clear sunny day. There's no pain in his body at all; it makes Sam question if he's actually dead instead laying passed out on the floor next to Deeks. Back in his dream, Sam's wearing his swim trunks and can see that everything is so quiet and peaceful to where the gentle waves rolling up the shore is the only thing he can hear. _

"_Hey, 'der you is!"_

_A blonde, blue eyed little boy runs in his direction down the beach. The boy's hands is behind him as if he were flying like a plane. He jumps over a sand pile and sprints hard until he pretty much slams into Sam's leg. Sam takes a staggering step back and sees the little boy laugh uncontrollably, "You's been hidin' good. Supa' good."_

"_Um, who are you?"_

_The little boy swings his arms back and forth as he says, "Saaammm, why you sayin' dat?"_

_Sam's jaw drops when it dawns on him when he realizes that he's talking to the child version of Deeks. "Oh my God, I'm definitely dreaming or dead."_

"_Noooooo because you can't be dead. You have to help me!" There's another swing of the arms and Sam can definitely see the restlessness usually seen in Deeks now in this child. _

"_I tried, buddy, I really did." _

"_Not with rescuing me, silly- for helping me after."_

* * *

"Oh, Mr. Hanna. You're awake."

"Deeks….Michelle…." are the first two things that Sam mutters in response when he opens his eyes. The nurse nods her head in understanding even though she has no idea who he's talking about. She glances up to the heart monitor to see that Sam's heart rate is starting to go up little by little.

"Mr. Hanna, you need to keep calm for me. Your body has been through a lot of pain," the nurse states. Sam closes his eyes and fights the urge to roll his eyes at the woman's comment. The response he wants to say is a tie between _No duh _and _ok, stop talking. _It doesn't help that the nurse doesn't seem to pick up on Sam's annoyance. In fact, the nurse walks over to the window and whips the blinds open to where it lets in a blinding sunlight.

"No, too bright!" Sam yells as he turns his head. The nurse quickly closes the blinds and shrugs sheepishly. If wasn't for the blinding lights hurting his eyes, Sam would have cursed her out. Instead, he winces and covers his eyes with a hand while he glances around the room. "Where's Michelle?"

"Who's that?"

"My wife." _My wife that walked off with an arms dealer last time I was conscious. Which was….._ "What day is it?"

The nurse walks around the edge of the bed and stops at the doorway. Sam lifts his head slightly to see that the hallway is filled with nurses and doctors working busily with each other and their patients. Sam takes full comfort in not seeing any police officers guarding the door or NCIS agents walking around undercover. It's a sign that he's no longer in any danger.

"It's Friday morning," the nurses states, "You've been sleeping for about three days. Your friend- the really hot one- was here all day yesterday and half of the day before. I'm pretty sure he went down to emergency to have Dr. Castel look at his bandages again. Is he the one you called Deeks?"

_Nope, the really hot one you called is Callen. _"No, he's my friend Cal- G. Was there an African- American woman with him?"

"Nope. Just the brunette on crutches, the little lady who claims to be your grandmother, and your friend," the nurse points over her shoulder and adds, "I can go ask around if you'd like."

"Please do."

"Alright, but in the meantime, you need to take it easy," the nurse pulls Sam's chart from off the bedside table next to the door, "Your heart took a beating with the electrical shock you took. Your grandmother said it was a construction accident?"

_Yes, if you count being shocked with a car battery an accident. _"Yeah-um- a construction accident," Sam lies. A part of him wants to kick the nurse out of the room to go find Michelle, Deeks, or anyone else on the team; however, the more and more the nurse talks, the more Sam begins to focus on his body and how everything from the neck down feels like dead weight. He's surprised he was able to lift his hand up a few minutes ago.

The nurse continues on without missing a beat. "Your muscles need time to heal along with your heart and the burns on your wrist. All that trauma means that you'll be in that bed for a while."

"Ok…ok…Michelle?"

"Right!" the nurses places the chart back on the table and gives Sam a nod, "I'll be back. Just take it easy, ok? I'm sure your wife is probably getting coffee. Nothing to worry about."

Sam wishes so hard that he could reveal the truth- that his entire team and wife was either injured or in the danger of dying or completely missing.

Oh yes, nothing to worry about at all.

* * *

A restless nightmare has Sam jolting awake in his bed, gripping his shirt right where his heart sits and letting out a scream.

He sits forward and feels his chest burning like it's on fire. Sam rubs it a few times before he hears from his left, " Do you want me to get a nurse?"

"G!" Sam exclaims. He continues to rub his chest as he turns to see his partner laying back in a hospital chair next to his bed. Unexpectedly, Callen has stiches across his forehead and his chin and a bandage wrap around his wrist. He's also wearing the clothes he wore when Sam last saw him, the jacket now ripped and bloody and the jeans covered in mud.

"What the hell happened to you? Is Michelle ok? What about Deeks?" Sam blurts out. He watches Callen wince and push himself out of the chair. He presses the call button and lets out a huge sigh.

"A lot went down, Sam. Long story short- Michelle and Deeks are in surgery and Kens is in the emergency room getting her arm x-rayed. Sidarov's in custody, both of his men are dead, and the nukes are still missing."

"Oh, you got to be kidding me," Sam gasps. He covers his mouth and says, "Start with Michelle."

"Ok, well we got word from Deeks' old boss about the meet information. Janvier also got a phone call about the meet- Kensi was to serve as an over watch with a sniper rifle, I had a squad of SWAT and agents half a mile away, and Michelle went with Sidarov to make the deal with Janvier. Sidarov probably kept his suspicion about Michelle because Kensi was made and pushed down a hill. That then sent out a spark because a shootout broke out- my car flipped over in a crash, five SWAT guys were killed, Sidarov had like ten other men, and Michelle was shot up close in the chest by Sidarov."

Sam can't say anything- he's so scared to ask for any more details.

Callen seems to read his mind. " The doctors said that she should be ok-"

"Geez, G! Lead with that!" Sam yells. He lays back in his bed and grimaces at the pain in his chest. "And what about Deeks?"

Callen's face falls as he says, "There's an infection in Deeks' mouth that they're trying to fight. That plus the amount of blood Deeks had lost from you guys being so long is making doctors very concerned. He could die, Sam."


	8. Chapter 8

"He-he-he can't die," Sam stammers. He looks up to Callen, barely able to stop himself from running out of the room to go find Deeks. Callen's reaction is much different than he had expected- the lead agent sits down at the edge of the bed with a slightly confused expression on his face.

Sam begins to anxiously rub his chest before he catches his partner's expression. "What?" he snaps.

"Nothing…it's just that I've never seen you act so upset for Deeks being hurt," Callen replies softly. His words hit Sam hard as it's a sign that others have noticed his harsh behavior towards the detective. Callen cocks his head slightly when he sees Sam look down at his lap. He drops his hand in his lap as well and asks, "How do you think I feel about Deeks….honestly."

Callen shifts uneasily in his spot. Sam can see an uncomfortableness that seems to say_ Please don't make me answer this question. _It doesn't stop Sam from pushing his partner, "Don't hold back anything. Please, G, just tell me."

"What happened out there, Sam? What's making you ask this?"

Sam gives Callen a pleading look. "G, please….."

Callen rubs the back of his neck and sighs. He doesn't like where this'll go, especially knowing that Sam's never once been concerned about his relationship with Deeks. "Well in all honesty, you don't care for Deeks the same way you do for Kensi and me. I don't know if he's still the temp that you called him, nothing but a co-worker or an actual friend. That's why I'm surprised at how you're acting, which bring me back to the question at hand- what happened?"

"I said some things to him before the op," Sam starts to say, but chokes up. He knows that Callen and the rest of the team will be disappointed or even furious with him; Deeks most likely never speaking to him again. "He was being his usual self while we were staking out the hotel with Michelle and I snapped at him. He questioned why I keep being hard on him and said it was because he was different and what that difference said about his character."

Sam looks away from Callen and waits for a response from his partner- a loud gasp, a curse, an outburst- anything. After a minute, Sam looks back up to see Callen staring at him with crossed arms and a dropped jaw.

"G-"

Callen shakes his head in disbelief. He starts to head for the door. "I guess that answers all my questions."

"Callen, wait!" Sam yells as he sits forward. The movement causes one of the EKG cords to disconnect and causes a loud beeping from the machine. Sam doesn't bother with the cable and calls out, "I screwed up! I know that I've been an ass to Deeks and shouldn't have taken me this long to realize this. Seeing him lay there and taking that torture-"a tear ran down his face, "he can't die."

Callen stops at the foot of the door and turns around to face his partner. "Do you know that after he was kidnapped on the Van Buren, the first thing he did was to apologize to me, Kensi, and then hesitantly ask me how pissed you were about it? He also asked me every day if you were ok while we were hunting for Sidarov. He admires you, Sam, and this is going to hurt him in so many ways."

Sam wipes his face and nods. "I know…."

"Look, Sam. If you truly didn't care about Deeks, you wouldn't be in tears right now," Callen states. "I'm going to go check on Kens, Michelle, and Deeks. In the meantime….just reevaluate how you see things, alright?"

Sam swallows hard and watches his partner walk out the door. _I've been doing that for days, Callen. Don't worry._

* * *

"Take it easy, Michelle. I'm not having the doctors yell at me for you popping a stich."

"Relax, Callen. That doctor's a pain in the ass. He acted like moving me in here was the end of the world."

_Michelle? _Sam's eyes fly opens when he hears his wife's voice. Michelle is sitting up in a hospital bed across from his, speaking relative calmly along with Callen. He can also see that Kensi's sitting on the edge of the bed while half listening to their conversation and glancing behind her.

"I know that moan and groan from anywhere," Michelle suddenly calls out. She leans forward and weakly smiles at her husband. "Hey, baby."

"Michelle," Sam gasps and immediately swings his legs off the side of the bed. Callen's up in an instant and puts his hand up while saying, "Take it easy, Sam."

"Nope." Sam slides off the bed and lands on shaky feet. Callen reaches out to place his hand around Sam's waist and his other arm over his shoulder to assist. Michelle slowly pushes off the bed sheets and stands up to wrap her arms around Sam. For both of them, it's considered to be one of the best moments of their lives.

"I'm ok and you're ok," Michelle whispers softly. She kisses him and chuckles softly. Sam kisses her cheek and glances over to Kensi. She's sitting almost perfectly still while staring blankly at the bed on the opposite side of Michelle's. Sam swallows hard as his eyes travel over to the bed.

Deeks is lying on the bed, completely covered in a long white blanket. He's unconscious and lying with two wide medal orthodontic spacers in his mouth. Sam can also see that Deeks is wearing a nasal oxygen tube and has brown restraints on both of his wrists.

"Take it off!" Sam exclaims. He pulls away from Michelle, "Why would they- tell them to take the restraints and the spacers off! He's going to lose it-"

"We know. The doctors were told this and they overruled us," Kensi speaks up faintly. "They don't care- in their eyes, he's going to wake up and go ballistic either way. But does it matter to you, Sam, or are you going to wait until the next time he's dying before you admit that you give a damn?"

Sam freezes and sees a cold Kensi turn in her spot towards him. She looks exhausted, scared, and most prominently-angry. Sam looks to his wife for support and gets only a _you're on your own _look. "Callen told you what I had said."

Kensi stands up and uses only one crutch for support. "No, when you two were talking, I was out in the hallway hearing every word. So was your intention to hurt him or was this another way overblown outburst at Deeks being…well, Deeks?"

"It was an outburst- I'm sorry…"

"I have just lost all my respect for you, Sam!" Kensi exclaims. She turns around and limps over to Deeks' bed side where she plops down in a chair. Sam opens his mouth to try to add something else, but a gentle touch on the shoulder from Michelle stops him. There's nothing else that he can say to make Kensi less angry with him or to justify his actions.

So he does what he can only do.

"Can you pass me my badge, G?" Sam asks. Callen raises his eyebrow before reluctantly following through. Sam's badge is on top of the black duffel bag that Callen had brought to the hospital a few days ago. Callen quickly returns to Sam side and hands over the shiny NCIS badge. Sam reaches into the back pocket of the badge and pulls out a silver St. Michael patron pendant with the U.S Marine logo on the back. He starts to limp over to Deeks' bed without Callen or Michelle stopping him. Even Kensi watches him in a sad awe.

When Sam reaches Deeks' side, he opens the detective's hand and places the pendant in his palm. He gives Deeks' hand a quick squeeze before heading back to his bed.

Like before, there's nothing else that he can do or say.

Sam just hopes that giving Deeks his lucky pendent is a start in the right direction.


	9. Chapter 9

"You need to get some rest, Sam."

_Easier said than done, G. _Sam rolls onto his side and looks up to see his partner standing by his bedside. It's been a few hours since he placed the pendant in Deeks' hand and last spoken to anyone. He doesn't want to explain anything else about what happened that day anymore- he doesn't even know. All Sam wants to do right now is spend time looking between the slow moving clock on the wall and the unconscious, perfectly still detective lying in the bed across the room.

Sleep is the last thing on his mind.

"Callen's right, you know," Michelle calls out as she lies on her back in her own bed. She doesn't bother opening her eyes as she continues, " Get some sleep, babe. We'll still be here when you wake up. Deeks, too."

"I'm not….I can't," Sam says, shaking his head. He rolls onto his back and begins to stare at the flickering light bulb in the opposite corner of the room. It reminds him of when he was sitting in the warehouse room, watching an old flickering light in between passing out and praying that Deeks was alive.

"Don't make me call Hetty on you," Michelle jokes and it elicits an immediate response from Sam. He shoots up in the bed and feels the same irritating, unecessary sharp pain in his chest.

"Hetty? I haven't even thought of her," Sam stammers, "Where is she?"

Callen rubs the back of his neck again and it gives Sam the automatic clue that something else is wrong. "Remember when I said that we couldn't find the nuclear weapons?" Callen asks tiredly.

_One of the things a man doesn't forget. _Sam nods and steals a quick glance to the clock and back to Deeks.

Still no movement.

"The director and pretty much every other agency is beyond pissed that we screwed this up. Hetty is currently running around town trying to put out the fires and save all of our jobs."

"Basically- everyone is trying to cover their asses in saying that they didn't know about the weapons and since we were the only ones who knew about it, we shouldn't have screwed up," Michelle calls from her bed, once more not opening her eyes.

"Go figure," Sam chides in. He can see that Callen's left eye droop slightly and decides not to push the conversation any further. At the moment, he's too tired to nag or care about the missing nuclear weapons.

Nothing.

"Like I said before," Callen yawns, "You need to sleep. Deeks is going to wake up and everything…..might turn out alright."

_Ah screw it. He should take his own damn advice. _Sam snorts when he sees Callen yawn again, this time slightly rocking to the side. "Look who's talking."

"Sam, I've been up for 72 hours trying to keep everyone safe," Callen unintentionally snaps. He quickly drops his shoulders and sighs, "Sorry- I didn't mean to sound like an ass."

"No, it's fine." Sam settles back in the bed and for the third time in the last five minutes, looks up to the clock. He half hazardly glances over to Deeks' bed, expecting the same thing. This time, he turns to see Deeks lying perfectly still with his eyes wide open. The detective is staring straight dead ahead past his partner's sleeping form next to the bed and at a spot in the wall. He's barely blinking or taking a breath.

"Deeks?" Sam calls out. Deeks suddenly begins inhaling and exhaling quickly as his eyes dart all over the room. He grips the sheets next to the bed in terror and Sam knows that he's about to go into a panic. Callen bolts to the detective's bed side and makes the mistake of attempting to grab Deeks' hand- it sends Deeks into a full blown hysteria. The first thing he does is begin thrashing his arms and legs in the restraints and accidently kick Kensi in the face.

"No, no, no- Deeks, look at me," Callen yells out. Kensi, who's now on the floor, pulls herself up with one hand while rubbing her cheek with the other. It doesn't take more than a second for her to begin limping around the edge of the bed and attempt to grab one of Deeks' arms.

"Deeks, stop it! Calm…calm down!"

"Hey, look at me! The doctors will take the restraints off in a sec! But you got to stay calm!"

"Kens, hit the call button!"

"I'm trying….got it!"

In the midst of the chaos, Sam is sitting straight up in the bed, shell shocked. He's never had a moment like this, a moment where he's so out of it that he can't do anything. It could be PTSD or not; he's been lucky enough to never go down that road. Whatever it is, Sam feels like a helpless animal.

"Where the hell are those doctors?"

"Hey, just….just…you aren't in the warehouse anymore!"

Sam continues to sit, trying with every ounce to even open his mouth. Nothing, not even a squeak comes out. He's about to try and force himself to look away when all of sudden Deeks stops in his state and freezes. He stares Sam straight in the eye with his blue eyes burning with anger, fear, confusion, and pain.

Sam can only stare back sadly, thinking, _He's never going to come back from this. None of us will. _


	10. Chapter 10

He can't even look over at the detective.

Sam lies on his side and faces away from Deeks' bed, against doctor's orders and the painful shots of pain coming from his abdomen. He has his earphones in, pumping his music loud enough to where he can't hear anything or anyone else in the room. After Deeks' panic attack, doctors had come in and sedated the detective before assessing his injuries. At that point, Sam had decided that the best thing that he could do is block out all of it- hiding behind his music blocked out all the medical mumbo-jumbo, the judging looks, and the whimpers coming from a trembling Deeks.

_How could that have happened? I'm a SEAL for crying out loud- how did I freeze up? _Is the only thing that's running through Sam's mind as he tries to keep his focus on the ugly yellow paint stain on the wall below the window. Sam has the history of always being the first one in action in a situation, whether it was uncomfortable or plain dangerous. He's seen guys scream out in the middle of the battlefield in pain or get tortured and he'd been still able to act in some capacity to help out his men. Nowhere during his career as a SEAL did he expect a full blown freeze up to happen, especially during trauma that's happened to someone else.

"Sam, look at me."

It's Kens, who's pulled out one of Sam's ear buds, ending his coping mechanism of completely blocking out the rest of the world. Sam turns his head towards Kensi, expecting her trademark angry look, tears or even the sight of her walking away, but instead, he finds her staring down at him with a completely calm and impassive look in her eyes.

"Come and talk to Deeks," Kensi says softly.

Sam pulls out the other ear bud and sits up the best he can. He can see that Michelle and Callen are nowhere to be seen and Deeks is lying on his back again, this time on a neck stabilizer, with his eyes open and his body perfectly still.

"When you started…umm….coping, I guess, with your music, Deeks was still moaning and fidgeting. He was completely out of it until I mentioned your name," Kensi shakes her head in disbelief, "All of us freak him out except for you. I don't know if it's him being angry with you, but…umm…. You need to talk to him for us. He might listen to you so you can tell him that he's safe, that we all love him, and whatever emotions you actually feel about him. So go."

"You sure?"

Kensi pulls the sheets off of Sam and points in the direction of Deeks' bed. "Go. I'll give you guys a minute alone." Kensi takes a few steps back before turning and walking to the door. When she's gone, Sam slides onto shaky feet and makes his way over to the detective's bedside. He lowers himself down onto the empty chair and lets out a painful sigh.

"Did I ever tell you how I got that pendant?" Sam asks, pointing the pendant that's now dangling from Deeks' neck. He knows that the detective won't answer so he continues on, " I was in the middle of Afghanistan when I was walking through an old village that was being emptied out because of the Taliban. There was an older woman who couldn't walk and I had found her on a last sweep on the village. She couldn't speak at all in any way so I had to wait for some older men from the village to help her move while the rest of the SEALs and I had to move out. Right before the woman was being moved, she just out of nowhere handed me that pendent without a word. Two weeks later, my team and I got delayed because of a helicopter malfunction. If we had left as planned, we would have been bombed out of the sky by the Taliban. It's brought me luck for so long and now I think you should have it."

Deeks squeezes his eyes and a single tear rolls down his cheek.

Sam squeezes Deeks' hand empathetically. " I just wanted you to know that. I know that you look up to me and that I'll try to be a better….person to look up. Things will get better, I promise- not just between us, but for everything. I promise. I do care about you, Deeks. When you went missing on the boat, it scared me. Every time that you get in trouble, I get worried just like everyone else because you're a good friend and I should have spent the time training and helping you instead of teasing and blowing you off. I'm so sorry."

Sam stands up and squeezes Deeks' arm. "That's all I'm going to say. I'll leave you alone."

* * *

"Sam….Sam….wake up."

Sam groans before he opens an eye and sees Kensi kneeling next to him. By the view of sunlight peeking in the room, he can tell that it's early in the morning and that something's wrong. He pushes himself up with another loud groan and finds himself sitting up and facing Hetty, or at least the top of Hetty's head, at the edge of the bed.

"Good morning, Mr. Hanna," Hetty states simply. She doesn't move or even flinch; Sam blinks a few times to make sure that she's really there.

"Hetty, where were- what time is it? And why's everyone here?" Sam asks when he looks over to see Callen digging through his go-bag by the door, the two analyst sitting cross-legged with their laptops on their laps, Michelle in the hallway, chatting frantically on the phone, and Deeks now asleep in his bed. "What's going on?"

"It's about the nuclear weapons we couldn't recover," Hetty states.

Sam doesn't need more than thirty seconds to know exactly what the problem is. "Someone's got the nukes."

"Khalid Nahili, a two time rumored associate with Al-Qaeda, got them. Sidarov won't say a word on how this man got it, but we do know that he has it."

"How?"

Callen looks up from the duffel bag and exclaims, "The CIA sent us video of Nahili showing off his brand new nukes. It's like he's bragging directly to NCIS about it."

"So what do we do?"

"Mr. Hanna, nothing will happen for you and Mr. Deeks," Hetty answers. "You two will stay here under protection while Ms. Blye and Mr. Callen fly to Kabul to investigate with the CIA."

Sam's eyes travel over towards Michelle in the hallway. Hetty's mention of the CIA brings him the same nauseating , chaotic feeling he's had since the first day of their Sidarov case. "What about Michelle?"

As if on cue, Michelle walks into the room, wearing a pair of hospital scrubs. By her slugged walk, Michelle doesn't look like she can handle traveling from the hallway back to her bed, let alone following Kensi and Callen to the Middle East. His wife makes it to the doorway, rests her arm and takes a deep breath. " The CIA wants me to come to Langley for a briefing and I told them yes. And I was thinking of taking our girls with me."

"So you're going to leave us?" Sam exclaims. He sounds like a child and he doesn't care.

"You'll be under protection while your team gets to work. And if something happens, I know that you'll protect Mr. Deeks at all costs," Hetty says before she walks out of the room without a word.

Kensi squeezes Sam's hand and whispers, "Take care of yourself and Deeks, please."

Sam doesn't get to reply as Callen's already by his bed side, saying, "We'll be back before you know it. And behave while we're gone."

_You mean don't break Deeks while you're away? Got it. _


End file.
